BREAKING: John Shuttleworth retiring, he says, because life in the public eye has become "too risky" in light of the celebrity departures of 2016

Very sad news just coming in. Will update as more becomes known.Don't retire, John. That really would be a nightmare scenario - IDSW
John Shuttleworth delighted the audience at King's Hall. Ilkley, last night

Only Sheffield's most subversive suburban songsmith could have his audience waving mobiles in the air during a much-loved ballad about the perils of "going back to savoury" once you've already started your pud.
As well as old favourites like Y Reg, Pigeons in Flight, One Cup of Tea is Never Enough (But Two is Too Many) and Mingling With Mourners - "some sitting in corners, some eyeing the quiche" - John shared his reflections on the ebb and flow of life. Taking inspiration from the title of his show, he gave us wise words about various 'tasty mints', not least the potential life-saving qualities of the Polo, and the sadness and regret that haunts him following the demise of the Pacer - "a minty sister sweet to the Opal Fruit".

He and Mary have done well to stick together, following the "nightmare scenario" of the day she accidentally opened a second margarine tub in the fridge; a cautionary tale captured in my favourite Shuttleworth ditty, Two Margarines On The Go.
Don't retire, John. That really would be a nightmare scenario.
Image result for 2 MARGARINES ON THE GO